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(very) Personal Bio...(see )
[Read at your own risk]
Born November 10th (a Scorpio) and raised in Villanova PA on the Main Line, West of Philadelphia. My parents divorced when I was around 3. My father was an alcoholic anyway, so it was for the best. I had no brothers or sisters, and, even weirder, neither did my mom or dad, meaning I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins, and all my grandparents died before I was 10!
Went to The Haverford School for K-12 (an all-boys private school, because my mom thought I needed male role models in my life, but which did nothing for my social life!) and went to summer camp every year in New Hampshire, Maine, or Cape Cod (loved it!). At school I did mostly individual sports like tennis, gym, and track. At camp I learned lots of great things like swimming, sailing, riflery, archery, horse back riding, played Capture the Flag, etc (you get the idea). My last two years of camp were notable: one was spent at Camp Viking on the Cape, first as an able-bodied seaman then as a C.I.T.; and then I spent a summer at boy scout camp where I earned 19 merit badges, almost became an Eagle scout, and then quit! (actually ties in to something further down)
My paternal grandfather became somewhat of a surrogate male role model for me in my early childhood, although I didn't get to see much of him. He was a highly respected gentleman in Philadelphia--he owned J.E.Limeburner's Optical at 19th and Chestnut (which is still there) after starting there as a janitor! Now there's a good old-fashioned success story! He died when I was 10, or, actually, he killed himself. It turns out that he had fallen in love with my mother and felt guilty (this was not appropriate behavior for a gentleman born in the 1880's!), so he jumped out the window of his apartment at 19th and Walnut. He left me a small trust fund that got me through school. Thanks Augie.
The next few years weren't so hot to say the least. I went from an A student to a C student in a matter of months. On the bright side, I got a Big Brother who, with his family, gave me some semblance of normalcy that I just did not have in my own life. We lasted much longer than most Big/Little Brothers do. I might have been really messed up without having had one :)
Around 8th grade, my mother (a Libra) took an overdose--she wanted my Big Brother to take over--she thought I'd be better off with them. She had had a series of failed relationships, the most recently with her boss, who was married--what a mess! He was the regional director of the boy scouts (an Eagle scout himself). My mom finally did meet a wonderful guy, to whom she is still married for more than 20 years.
Around 10th grade, I got involved with the children's librarian (a Leo) at the public library where I was working after school. She was 10 years older, and (hold on to your hat) she had a son who was 10 years younger than I. Now, before you go jumping to conclusions, believe me, I was very mature for my age. Go back and read what lead up to this and tell me I didn't have to grow up fast. This was in the late 70's and personal expansion (EST etc) was all the rage, much of which she introduced me to; and I moved in with her senior year. When I came home after the first semester, she wouldn't say No to her 9-year old son that wanted to sleep in her bed. He was just (subconsciously) reclaiming his territory and she gave deference to him, so I was out.
Started consulting in freshman year of college while taking graduate level courses (What can I say? I have a knack!) My first contracting was for a biofeedback therapist that was doing really radical and visionary work: Len Ochs now at www.OchsLabs.com. He had the bright idea to construct a computer game that you won by reducing your tension to teach stress reduction under stressful conditions (pretty clever, huh?)
Earned a Bachelors and Masters degree in Computer Science with a minor in Bio and Chem in four years at Union College in Schenectady NY. (Did you know that GE in Schenectady NY had the contract to develop ZIP codes in the 60's, and they worked it so they were 12345?) While at college, I lived with a classmate (a Cancer) whose parents weren't at all happy that I took their daughter away from them. She left home July 4th, 1979, and we were together for three years.
When I was 21, my "father" died, and it was then that my mother told me that he wasn't even my biological father. They had had trouble getting pregnant, and she had gone to a clinic to get artificially inseminated (pretty radical for 1959). So I don't even know half my medical history (which you'd be surprised is increasingly important information as you get older). I was actually relieved to find this out because, after not having seen him more than a few times all my life, I didn't have to feel guilty for not loving this peron who you're supposed to love (your father).
Moved to Hudson MA to work for DEC on DECSIM (logic simulator) in the SEG/CAD group (Semiconductor Engineering Group/Computer Aided Design). This plant is where the nVAX and Alpha CPUs were designed and fabricated (cool stuff!) When Massachusetts went down the tubes at the end of the 80's because of cuts in defense spending (Raytheon is the state's biggest employer), I left DEC, moved back down here to Philly and went independent. Windmill Software was incorporated November 1991, "and the rest is history!"
Had a brief marriage (a Piscean) from 1986 to 1994, but I was young and foolish. On the plus side, I now have two wonderful small boys, Jonathon and Benjamin (a Cancer and a Gemini), who have taught me what love is. They were a little shaken up at first, but now they're fine, and getting much better attention from both their parents than ever before. I spent most of those years trying to figure out if and how things could be worked out, which was then compounded by a commitment and responsibility to children. Ultimately, I came to realize that my boys were better off this way, and I think it's proved true. I see them every few days and have them every other weekend.
In 1990, I was introduced to Insight Seminars (thanks to Len Ochs), and this was the start of my spiritual development. Insight Seminars offers three one-weekend workshops that 1) open us up to the possibilities that spring forth from taking responsibility for our lives and proffering love, pure and simple; 2) teach us to recognize the self-imposed boundaries that keep us from achieving what we really want in life and to learn that there's no need to fear pushing through those boundaries; and 3) offer us an opportunity to look inside to find that little spiritual kernel deep inside of all of us and how to nurture and develop it. It was because of my experiences here that almost all of the insights from the Celestine Prophecy (3 years later) I already knew, felt, and believed (quite an inspirational book, btw).
In 1994, I got involved with a married woman (an Aquarius) who she said she was going to leave her husband before we got involved, but she never quite got around to doing it, and I played out the exact same role my mother did exactly 20 years before me. I'm still agog at all the lies she told me, her husband, and her family, that she actually believed herself the stories she spun. Needless to say, it was the worst year of my life.
In 1995 I fell in love with a woman (a Virgo), the first woman I had ever really loved. I didn't handle it very well, though. The problem? I felt she needed to establish her own independence and voice (yes, she was a few years younger than I), and that she deserved someone her own age to raise a family with. I wish her well, and I hope she feels that I added to the richness of her life as much as she did for me and can forgive me someday.
Around '99/'00, I got involved again, to a Pisces woman--someone I met on the net, actually. It was a pretty good match, just not good enough (it's hard to find the right person!!). My boys get shooken up every time there's change in my relationships, but so do they more when their adult "role models" aren't getting along very well. The lesson I learned this time around is that the one element that most people don't talk about--exactly what is the baggage we're carrying around and exactly what are we doing about it--is the minefield underlying every relationship. I tried very hard in this relationship to share that discovery, healing, and growth process with this person--hopefully we'll be able to do better next time.
As a postscript to this relationship 8 years ago, this woman has been scouring my personal web site almost every day for the last 8 years!! As an example, check out the log of her visits over just *2* days: psycho log; look at how many hours a day she is spending here! I thank Goodness everyday that I escaped this one!!!
It really struck me after this last relationship how yet again I was starting all over from scratch--another couple years of my life down the drain. Of course, all relationships teach us something, if we're willing to learn, and all our life experiences make us who we are today. I've been out of a relationship now for 15 months [ended up being 3yrs total] because I'm not willing to let any more time be wasted with the wrong person--I want to choosely wisely next time; and I do believe that all my past experiences have prepared me for my true love. I think I'm ready...
On February 27, 2002, my mother passed away. age 79. of a stroke. My step-dad found her unconscious when he got home, and they rushed her to the trauma center where she passed away. I'm grateful that she passed quickly; I'm grateful I got to reconcile with her from the earlier years. I already miss her, not being able to share things going on in my life, and holiday/family gatherings will be particular tough without our matriarch. Oddly, I feel finally sort of grown up at 42 without her to fall back on; perhaps then this the start of a new phase in my life...
On June 8, 2004, I met someone online (a Virgo) who became my wife. She was a surgeon (Ob/Gyn) in Venezuela, 39yo, and has one daughter, 20, in college. After talking by messenger for only one week, we agreed to meet over the 4th of July weekend; she visited again in 3 wks, and then I went to visit her and her family in Venezuela the first week of September, at the end of which she returned home with me. After trying to find the "right one" online for almost 8 years, with many trials and tribulations, I have to say that I am delighted, surprised, happy, and relieved! to find this special woman. We spent our first Christmas together, and now are planning for our future together :)
But only a few years later, 'another one bites the dust'. We didn't even get a chance to 'try' on this one--it just was over, one day; after over a year and a half of her studying and our moving and house projects, things just simply devolved, until, one day, I was told that it was over. I tried very hard to get her to work with me, to go to counseling, to do whatever was necessary to fix whatever the problems were, but she just wasn't interested. Many have asked if she was just seeking a visa; I don't think so. This was her fourth marriage, and it was her pattern to just walk away when things became less than perfect. If I had known, I never would have invested, literally, everything I had in the promise and expectation that we would be together for the rest of our lives.
That was September 2008, and as you all know that was the same time as the 'global economic meltdown'; because of that and the simultaneous divorce, I lost all the savings that I had to be able to send my boys, now 18 & 20, to college; house values since the peak when we bought in 2007 plummetted, and so I was 30% 'under water'; and finally I lost my job of 11 years, so then I lost the house which has ruined my credit for the next 10 years. But, as they say, 'I still have my health!' and it's true--our health, our children, and what we do with each moment in our lives, right now, is all we have; none of the other 'things' matter.
To another starting all over again, I must go. If you ask any of my ex's, they'll all say I'm a good person but also, of course, impoerfect, but we all have our faults, don't we, and when the right person comes along, hopefully someday, it won't be such an effort to have just a nice life together with someone....I still believe!
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